09 JUDITH HOLT summary

DVCPro Tape 01 of 03 – VHS Tape 01 of 01                                  01:00:40 – 02:02:54
 
Early memories
Judith was born in  Neasden, London in 1938. Her parents were both teachers. Judith’s mother came from the Midlands and met her father whilst teaching in Willesden County school. Judith grandfather was headmaster of a junior school in Sussex, where here father’s parents were from.  The war broke out when Judith was born and as a young child her mother took Judith and her younger sister to North Wales where her grandfather had retired. Judith also remember staying with her other grandparents in Cambridge where she went to school for a while.
 
Early schooling
Judith remembers going to prep school in Northolt, Middlesex  where her Mother had a job as housekeeper in a Boarding school. She later attended the local infants and Junior schools.  At school, Judith was quite good at games and near the top of the class. On the whole, she has quite good memories of early school days. At the age of eleven, Judith won a scholarship to an independent girls’ school, the North London Collegiate School in Edgware. After a while, she got used to the change, settled down there, made good friends and still enjoyed games often taking up positions as Form and Hockey Captains.
 
Childhood memories of the war
As a child growing up in the war she remembers playing on the bomb sites, the VJ parties and trying to sleep in cupboards during the air raids. She also remembers rationing, tasting ice cream for the first time after the war and the beaches in Wales dotted with wooden poles.  Her uncle, who she did not know very well, was killed in the war and Judith remembers the day  the telegram/ letter came through with the news.
 
Childhood illnesses
Judith remember having ‘ordinary’ children’s illnesses but was affected emotionally when her sister was born. She became very withdrawn and would not talk for a while. Despite this, Judith reports that her mother always thought that Judith would get on in life as it was her sister  - who turned out to be quite ‘naughty’ – who had the problems.
 
Favourite subjects at school
Judith reports being very involved with school life, playing rounders, hockey, and netball and liking French, English and particularly Greek. Classics which would have been her chosen subject had she gone to University.
 
Lead up to hospital admission
At the age of fifteen a lot of things happened in Judith’s’ life: a very close friend had left the school, a teacher who she particularly liked left, it was mock ‘O’ levels, and her parents were in the process of separating. Judith believed these things lead up to her becoming ill.  Judith quickly became very depressed, withdrawn and tearful  and under pressures with lots of schoolwork. She was taken by her mother to the adolescent Unit at  Bethlem Royal Hospital and stayed in a girls ward ‘Tyson East One’ . Judith described her condition at the time as thinking she’d gone to hell and that the food was poisoned. She did not eat. She can’t remember having any medication at this stage but after a while, perhaps months, she was transferred to  a ward where they carried out insulin treatment. Her mother appeared to co-ordinate her care and Judith, feeling quite immobile  went along with it all.
 
Insulin injections
The insulin was injected every morning into her behind and Judith describe the technicalities of what it actually does to the bloodstream and liver to cause a light, then deep coma for about twenty minutes. Reflecting that although she put on a lot of weight and it was a dangerous treatment, she’d heard since that it was perhaps the care and attention that was helpful.
 
Judith had about 40 treatments which involved sweating in-between blankets. On one occasion she nearly died from a pulmonary embolism.  On hospitals walks the patients had to be kept together and someone always had a big jar of glucose in case someone passed out. Back at the adolescent ward, Judith described her enjoyment of the OT programme.
 
Visits home
She was allowed home at weekends – home being a new house in Hampstead Garden Suburbs with her mother’s new partner, Judith’s stepfather. Although Judith received visits from family members,  her friends could not visit because of the distance but kept in touch through letters.  There was a teacher on the adolescent ward and Judith remembers getting a magazine together.
 
First memories of hospital
Judith remembers some of the staff and patients on the insulin ward (which was mixed sex and ages) and one young male patient in particular who she really liked on the adolescent ward. One thing that particularly shocked her when she first arrived in hospital was that all the knives had to be checked and counted after each meal.OT (occupational therapy) was the main thing that kept Judith occupied,
 
Discharge from Bethlem, brief schooling and admission to The Royal Waterloo
After her spell in hospital where she was discharged, against medical advice, Judith recalls, at her mother’s bequest, she returned to school and was in the year below and obtained one O level. Still feeling ‘pretty miserable’, Judith was admitted to the Royal Waterloo through family connections (the son of Judith’s stepfather). She was there for five months.
 
‘O’ level exams, nurse training and ECT
Some time after her discharge, because of her experience of hospital and limited opportunities Judith started training as a nurse herself.  She mentions having ECT at the Royal Waterloo/ St. Thomas under the treatment of a Psychiatrist Dr. Sergeant. She found this to be ineffective.  She went to work in a small hospital in Oxford, trained for three years and then as a staff nurse for a year. She worked on both the geriatric and acute admissions ward where they used the drug Paraldehyde and she found herself nursing people in receipt of insulin. Judith managed the transition of patient to worker quite well perhaps, she reflects by cutting off her experiences of being given insulin as a patient.
 
Training as a nurse whilst also studying for O levels was hard work and her social life suffered. Judith reflects that a lack of social life went on to become a central theme in her life. Whilst working as a nurse, she didn’t tell anyone apart from the Matron, that  she had been in hospital herself.
 
ECT at Friern Barnet Hospital
Having ECT for the first time at the age of seventeen or eighteen, Judith went on to receive it during late hospital admissions, most recently in Friern Barnet Hospital where the anaesthetic frightened her. She remembers that people were given ECT in a conveyor belt style without privacy.
 
Judith reflects that the process of giving ECT has probably become more refined over the years and that although on the whole, it didn’t make a difference to her, perhaps there were one or two instances where it ‘shook things up a bit’.
Treatment at Belmont and Royal Waterloo Hospital
 
At the age of twenty two, when an inpatient in Belmont, she was given an injection of  the drug  Leptizol instead of ECT which produced a convulsion and suspected temporal lobe epilepsy. This was later investigated by a ‘sleeping’ EEG at the Royal Free, but nothing significant was found.
 
Judith reports that Dr. Sergeant ( of the Royal Waterloo) used physical methods of treatments and her stepfather’s son simply followed suit. Later on she experienced a different form of treatment from an analyst which kept her well for quite a few years.   
 
Ward Rounds and reflection on changed hospital routines and grounds
Judith talks about the ward rounds at Friern Barnet hospital and when she was a day patient at Jules Thorne and the changes she has witnessed within psychiatric hospitals over the years, including one of her most recent admission to St. Luke’s hospital and The Huntley Centre.
University, teacher training and social life
Judith took two ‘A’ levels to get into University but was only there for two terms as she was admitted to the Belmont Hospital for eighteen months and then the Middlesex. After hospitalisation she was well for quite a long period of time and talks about her teacher training course, her job in a shop work and leisure pursuits. During this time she had only brief hospital admissions to St. Luke’s.
Working as a teacher
Judith worked as a teacher for two years and then got a job working in an elderly person’s home for three years. After this she became ill and was treated at Camden Day hospital which was part of Friern Barnet hospital.
 
More reflection on University
Judith took English and Latin ‘A’ levels and went to the University of Keele in Staffordshire.  She talks about the gradual process of becoming depressed again and being treated with Stelazine.
 
Diagnosis
Judith reflects that maybe she was schizophrenic and/or depressed and being prescribed Lithium at a later stage when after an assessment she was diagnosed with manic depression. She reflects on her treatments and diagnosis over the years and concludes that she feels she was basically very anxious and suffered from panic attacks which started in her thirties. She talks some more about her life in her thirties, going to see an Analyst and the differences between physical and talking treatments and the process of becoming institutionalised from psychiatric treatment in hospitals.
 
Life on the ward at St. Luke’s and the Halliwick
Judith talks about the family type environment at St. Luke’s and how she spent her time there. She particularly remembers sketching as part of her routine. Hallick hospital by comparison was bigger and more regimented.

Violent incident at Friern Barnet
Judith recalls the tension that pervaded at Friern Barnet Hospital and how this lead other patients to harm themselves or property.
 


DVCPro Tape 02 of 03 – VHS Tape 01 of 01                                  02:00:40 – 03:04:00
 
Analysis, Psychotherapy and Art
Judith describes the process of being in analysis and the Psychotherapy she receives now at a Therapeutic Arts Centre called The Studio Upstairs. She reflects on how she feels about the different approaches and talks a bit about The Studio Upstairs, situated within a large Arts Centre called Diorama, the history of its development, what she’s learnt from her involvement and how its helped her manage her life outside hospital. 
 
Differences in approach between St. Luke’s, the Huntley Centre and Diorama
Judith reflects on her personal circumstances leading up to admission to St. Luke’s, the structured environment at the Huntley centre and the flexibility of approach at Diorama.
 
Admission to hospital when at University
Judith talks about the hospital she stayed at in Sutton, pleasant memories she had of her time there and how she developed her interest in art. However, once out of hospital she went downhill again and was admitted to the Middlesex for investigation of a possible temporal lobe epilepsy. She talks about the process of having an EEG (previously mentioned) but they did not find anything significant and she was put on an anti-depressant drug, Nardil which she found helpful but feels her talents were not channelled into life in the community.
 
Voluntary work
Judith talks about running a pottery class on a voluntary basis within an OT department but she did not progress because their was no extra training or financial recompense.
 
Life after voluntary work
Judith talks about living in Hampstead, feelings of loneliness and the difficulty she had in passing the time. She eventually took a job as a tea lady and always had hope that things would work out for her.
 
Medication
Judith was by now on anti-depressants and lithium and she reflects on mental illness labels and concludes that basically she gets anxious and gets deeply depressed although in earlier days she thinks she was probably diagnosed with schizophrenia.
 
Judith’s sister
Judith’s sister went to the same school as her, was more extrovert and nearly got expelled. She didn’t visit her when she was in the Bethlem when she was younger but she kept in contact with her sister through her week end visits home. Her experiences of hospital are not really talked about in the family.
 
Judith’s mother
Judith’s reflects that her Mother did what she thought was best but in retrospect, perhaps she did not have the best treatment. Judith’s talks about feeling stifled within the family and how she’s still seen as an ‘ill’ person.
 
Judith’s stepfather
Her stepfather died about twelve years ago and had worked together with her mother. Although he made suggestions about Judith’s treatment, it was her mother who always took the action.
 
Reflections on Institutionalisation
Judith conveys her feelings about the effects of how people are treated in hospitals and compares this to the freedom of approach at the Studio Upstairs where there is more responsibility, tolerance and humanity.
 
Occupational Therapy Treatment and therapeutic art
Judith talks about how occupational therapy can keep you occupied and talks of the Art Hut in the grounds of Friern Barnet hospital where she was free to choose a programme of activities. She also refers to the full OT programme at the Huntley Centre but conveys that the ideals and theory of OT has changed over the years. When she was at the Bethlem, although she enjoyed the occupational therapy there, it was limited. She also reflects how she first got involved with the Studio Upstairs project via another project called Portugal Prints, a more structured sheltered workshop.
 
Events leading to admission to the Halliwick hospital
Judith reflects on her situation in the eighties when she started to feel unwell again including feelings of depression, mis-perceptions and excessive guilt. She talks about her admission to the Halliwick and recalls she may have been sectioned on this occasion and unable to take care of herself. Judith recalls the night of the big storm in 1987 and gives a description of its aftermath in the  hospital grounds. It was here where, in a withdrawn state, she was given ECT and she describes the process  which she found terrifying.
 
Life in the Halliwick
Judith describes life on the wards and in the hospital in general, including meal times, exploring the grounds, going to Occupational Therapy, and going to a cafe called the Windsor. She also recalls the large kitchens and laundry.
 
Contact with Professionals and other patients
Judith saw several Social Workers, mostly men and recalls there were patients from all walks of life. She sometimes sees people from her past walking in the area where she lives.
 
Contact with family whilst in hospital
Judith cannot recall many visits from her family but remembers being taken on strawberry picking expeditions at the suggestion of one of her nieces, which lifted her mood. Her nieces all live abroad now.
 
Regrets
Judith talks about not being valued as a person in her own right and feelings about making an effort to be sociable. She sees her mother on a regular basis but finds it upsetting and feels angry that her mother still makes it her business to know her whereabouts. Judith talks about her sister who works part time as a practice nurse and she reflects on her own forays into nursing and teaching.
More about the Halliwick and day hospitals
Judith talks about the environment at the Halliwick as being better in contrast to other hospitals but that she was not prepared for discharge adequately. She reflects on her  involvement with the activities in day hospital, and of the groups run within them.
 
 
DVCPro Tape 03 of 03 – VHS Tape 01 of 01                                  03:00:33 - 03:35:07
Present life
Judith talks about her progress and life free of hospital admissions over the last three years. She talks about the art classes she attended, her fellow students and the process of applying for an Art foundation course which she is to start in September.
 
More childhood memories
Judith recalls childhood memories of using a kiln in the basement of the family home and helping her mother with student parties.
 
Art College
Judith talks about her apprehension, excitement and expectations about going to Art College.
 
Communal Living
Judith recalls her attempts at getting a place in a group home run by the Richmond Fellowship and remembers a six-week period when she attended a folk high school in the Netherlands, which was run on a communal basis. She also talks about the process of trying to gain a place in a therapeutic community run by the Philadelphia Association, based on the principles of Psychiatrist R.D. Laing. She relates this to the way that the Studio Upstairs, a therapeutic artists community, is run and how she has benefited from this approach.
 
Hopes after Art College
Judith talks about what she might do after successful completion of her foundation art course and relays hope that there’s a range of opportunities out there. She talks about her Mother’s reservations about her pursuing her interest in art and reflects on a time when she was labelled in a CPA meeting as being persistently psychotic which she objected to at the time. She talks about her anxiety and procrastination which she feels are at the root of her problems along with the stigma attached with being unwell and the consequent low expectations.
 
Friendships
Judith shares her feelings about relating to people as friends and reflects on her present social life.
 
Relationships with mental health professionals
Judith talks about her relationship to nurses in hospital and recalls a particular time when a social worker made a genuine attempt to relate to and understand her. Her only contact with the mental health system at present is through the outpatients department where she can make an appointment if she feels the need. She also sees a social worker.
 
Art work
Judith shows some of her artwork on camera and talks through the process of creating her work.
 
End note
Judith recounts a story where, as part of her routine in Friern Barnet hospital, she used to go out in the gardens where rabbits would make an appearance if she stood quietly.
 
 
End of DVCPro Tape 03 of 04 – VHS Tape 01 of 01
 
 
 
 
INTERVIEW ENDS